Frustration

Lately I feel thwarted at every turn with BJJ. This week I can't even seem to get on the mat.

I'm a trial attorney, and so "unpredictable" is a nice word for what my work schedule is like. This means that despite the best of intentions, I can find out five minutes before I leave the office that I'm pulling an all-nighter. Lately, what I've been doing to compensate for billing 300 hours a month is getting to the office as soon as possible, and then making myself hit the gym at 7 for class. Turns out, even though really all I do physically is sit at a desk for 12 hours, I'm still completely drained from my day.

On Wednesday, I was so excited to make it to Robot in time for class, despite having billed 14 hours. Halfway through the warm up, the room started tilting and I couldn't make it stop. My inner ear disorder that causes vertigo for a variety of reasons (stress, lack of sleep, excessive salt, MSG, allergies...) and it was back with a vengeance. It was all I could do to not throw up all over the mat, and sit calmly until it passed enough that I could drive home.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I feel like I haven't trained in months. Nationals are coming up, and it kills me to miss them because competitions are such a huge help for me to figure out where the weaknesses in my game are. But I know if I register, I'll just get smashed to pieces and beat myself up over it.

Life is all about balance, and I just can't seem to find mine anywhere lately.

Hitting the Reset Button

Tomorrow the new training schedule starts at Robot, which I think is a fantastic time to start this blog and document my attempt to reset my training. Also, my husband got me a new laptop and I'm addicted to it and need to find new and exciting ways to use it.

This summer was not great for my BJJ training. I started a new job April and while it was the BEST possible career move for me for many many reasons, it threw a serious wrench into training. I got an ear infection that caused severe vertigo and put me out for 6 weeks. In June work really picked up, and by July I was billing 250 a month and August was even worse. Despite my inability to train like I wanted to, I insisted on competing and was crushed by how poorly I did. I promptly lost my bronze medal that night in Vegas (don't worry, I didn't win it, I got it by getting my ass kicked twice and placing 3rd out of 3). I had refused to believe that my career was impacting BJJ as much as it was, and I was devastated. Trying to have it all is exhausting, and I don't even have kids.

September will be different. The gym has new 7 am training classes 5 days a week, which means I can get cardio and strength in every day as long as I can get my ass out of bed. I am also going to make myself get to BJJ class 3x a week, without fail. Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday for those of you that are nosy. I'll work afterward if I have to, but I have got to start taking time for myself and the sport I love or I will start to resent the wonderful career I have worked so hard for. Nationals is off the table (I want to avoid another Vegas), but December 11 I am competing in the Grappling X Tournament of Champions and I'm going to give it everything I have. I will not freak out and shut down -- as tempting as that is.