Monday, monday.

I really wish they would do a scientific study and give me an answer about WHAT the deal is with Mondays. This was one of the worst ones in a while.

Vertigo literally knocked me on my butt in class tonight! Luckily everyone was moving around trying to find a drilling partner and so no one really noticed. Whew.

I decided not to risk it, and just watched the rest of class. Pretty sweet De la Riva sweeps going on: sink in both hooks, pinch your knees together, and throw your opponent off balance so you can sit up, grab their collar, and then lift them up of the ground with your legs. Kate let me try it on her a few times, and man do I wish I were feeling well enough to drill it full speed!

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully one that has the world feeling a little more stable on its' axl.

2011 Pro Gear Open

Today was the 2011 Jiu Jitsu Pro Gear Open in San Clemente. It was almost torture not to compete, but I went and cheered on the Robots. Our girl Jane got a silver medal with a beautiful triangle and Kate did some of the best grappling in her first tournament at blue belt that I have ever seen from her. Great job, ladies!

And, Leticia Ribeiro was reffing. As a shorty pants myself, I am a HUGE fan. My hubs kept his wits about him and got a picture of Leticia and the Lady Robots.

Hm. Remember how I said I should fight at 125? Make that 115. Yeesh.

Today I remembered how much I have forgotten.

Trained two days in a row!! Woot!! I would love to say I feel great, but what I really feel is like someone went to town on my thighs with a baseball bat. That is probably because on Friday we were drilling the leg drag to knee across pass, and Tim insisted that we hit at least 100 reps and somehow Ruby and I miscounted and did 120. Oops. We finished Friday's drills with De la Riva inversions, but I just let Ruby practice on me -- my inversions are difficult on a good day, let alone when I am still getting my land legs back.* It felt really good to be back on the mat, and as much as I wanted to spar, I made myself sit it out and watch.

Today, however, I trained one-on-one with the sexy blue belt you see to your right, who also happens to be my husband. Until now, I haven't even let him drill with me, because of our size difference: He's 6'2" fights at 190 and I'm 5'2" and fight at 145 (and should fight at 125). However, after the events described in the "Fear of Men" post, I realized I needed to address my issues drilling with guys in general and having larger training partners. I also found myself without any women to train with this weekend, despite being healthy for the first time in a long time. It dawned on me that I actually live with and love one of the biggest and scariest guys at our academy, who is also a pretty good teacher. I asked if he would show me his moves, and of course, he obliged.

We spent about an hour and a half at the academy during open mat, working on my open guard pass. Because I have none. Every time I try to pass, I get swept. I don't even know how it happens. Pat showed me how to step one foot right into a seated opponent's guard, underhook or grab behind the collar, push them back with my knee, and then knee across pass to the non-hook side. It was so simple once I did it over and over again, but I had never been able to figure it out on my own. Then we worked on me getting to closed guard when I start a spar, because Ruby just kills me from here. I can't get anything. It feels like I end up mounted the moment I touch her. I feel OK about getting to closed guard from starting now, but still a little shaky. Harder was the push/pull sweep from closed guard, because apparently my brain just does not know how to push AND pull at the same time.

After we drilled for about an hour or so, little Andre wanted to lightly roll because he is competing tomorrow at the Pro Gear Open. That is where I remembered how much I have forgotten. It was ridiculous. He bounced me around like a rag doll. I didn't get hurt (though I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel it tomorrow), but my only job was to pass guard and I could not do a damned thing! Not one. He just picked me up and flipped me around and...

Better luck next time. Right?

*The vertigo seems to be properly diagnosed and getting better every day. I still feel it, and the doctors say it could take up to two weeks for it to completely go away, but I feel better than I have in months. YAY!!

Wish me luck!

I feel better than I have felt in MONTHS! Really and truly. There are honestly no words to describe it. I'm so nervous for class tonight, it is like my first class all over again.

Freight Train Ruby

It is the day after my first night back, and I hurt like my very first day. Why do my abs hurt SO badly? I only sparred with one person, Ruby, and she killed me about seven times. My left arm will never be the same. I decided to miss the Terra seminar and rest. I'm not good at taking it slow, but I'm trying.

I am really excited to get back to class Monday, and even more excited that I know it will happen.

I did it!

I did it!! I made it back on the mat!

No, the world did not stop spinning. I'm still living on a boat, but it turns out as long as I stay seated, the vertigo is manageable. Wahoo!!! I got my ass handed to me, but I was out there!!

Caio Terra seminario tomorrow!

Me

This is me playing my closed guard game earlier this year. In case you were wondering what I look like.

Fear of Men

I am appalled with myself that I haven't written in almost a month. Here are my lame excuses:

(1) The big case I'm working on went crazy, people lost their minds, and I was left to clean up the mess. 300 hours a month. Three months in a row. Exhausted is a nice word for what I am. Thus, today I am working from home in my sweats.

(2) The damned vertigo has reared it's ugly head in a way that has finally forced me to see the doctor and figure out why it will not stop.

However, I really a determined to make it better. To start making my life as important as my career. I made it to class last night to observe, and I was itching to get back out there. I really do train with the best people--though I have a confession to make: I'm terrified to train with guys again.

When I first started training, I was the only girl every night and so I didn't even have the option to train with women. I worked really hard to encourage women to train, and eventually we had so many women training we had to add a women's class that usually had at least four women attend. Some days we had so many women in regular class that we did our own thing during drilling and sparring. I also started going to girls' class at a gym about 50 miles away every Saturday to train with different women. In short, I apparently became a big chicken about rolling with guys. I tried to suck it up, and then at belt promotion in August, my worst fears came true.

At our academy we play a game on promotion day called the Rubber Band Game. We each get three rubber bands for our wrists and we spar for about an hour, non-stop. If you lose, you give your opponent your rubber band. The point is to have as many as possible at the end. It is actually really fun, because you are only allowed to spar with your belt level and it is a chance for the people getting promoted to roll with at their belt for the last time. It was my first belt promotion day, and I was really excited. Unfortunately, one of the guys at the academy -- another white belt -- was so into winning the game and took it too personally and too far. After my husband, who was promoted to blue later that day (YAY!!) beat him in about 30 seconds (as per usual) he noticed I didn't have a partner yet and asked me to roll. As I sat down and we slapped hands, he told me that my husband had just beaten him and he was going to need to make sure to get a rubber band back. He then went really really hard at me, and knocked the wind out of me and took my arm. I tapped fast, because it wasn't worth it. As he was taking my rubber band he told me to tell my husband they were even.

I was in shock. I couldn't believe it had actually happened. I bragged about my academy being a place where women aren't treated any differently and I feel safe. I didn't feel safe and I didn't feel like I could tell anyone. I told my husband eventually, and my professors, and they took care of it, but it has me really rattled. I'm actually really scared to roll with any guy that is even remotely bigger than me now. The vertigo and my job has been a great excuse to stay off the mat, but it has made the fear of rolling with guys even worse.

On top of it, I don't really have any women to talk about it with anymore. And I'm so embarrassed about being scared to roll with guys that I don't want to admit it to the two women I train most with because they are such tough women who never back down from drilling or rolling with men.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to get over it, I'd love to hear them.