So THAT'S what that feels like!

Today the hubs and I woke up at 5:30 and drove 120 miles south to Miramar so that I could compete in the Grappling X Tournament of Champions Gi competition.

Even though I placed third in a field of three in a double elimination tournament, and was eliminated in the first round of the absolute, I am genuinely proud of that bronze medal.

I had my first competition January 19, 2011, after about 5 months of consistent training. I've done six competitions total, two of them IBJJF. I've been training since July 2010, though I had to take a a combined total of about 6 months off due to injury. When I first started competing, my coaches sat me down and told me I was starting really early, and though they were really supportive, they wanted me to make sure I knew that winning didn't mean I wasn't good. I didn't understand until today what they were talking about. I took each and every one of those early loses really hard.

My last competition was the IBJJF Las Vegas Open, which I did after cutting 15 pounds, not being able to train for 4 months because of vertigo, and having to work in 6 days a week of training into 16 hour days at the office. I placed third out of a field of three at that tournament and was ashamed of the medal. I was inconsolable after my last match. I had trained as hard as I possibly could and performed terribly and I didn't know why. I had ended up in the bottom in side control with the other girl just sitting there not moving, not doing anything. I sat on the edge of the mat sobbing for a good 10 minutes after the match, refusing to even talk to my coaches.

I hadn't been able to train a lot leading up to this competition, either, but I am damn proud of that bronze. This was the first tournament experience I have ever had where I knew exactly what was going on during every moment of every match, and where I wasn't just trying to defend myself and not be killed the entire time. I'm most proud of my first match because I was ahead until the final 20 seconds. I pulled guard, tried for my tripod sweep, it didn't work, and she had my legs up on her shoulders. Old Veronica would have gotten passed right there. Today, I kept my wits about me, kept pushing my hips down, and got closed guard the way I wanted it. We stayed in closed guard with me working cross chokes and different arm-across submissions, breaking down her posture, and trying for sweeps. I even opened my guard a few times to try for different attacks!! WOOT!! With 90 seconds left, we were still at zeros and so I had to try for a bigger move. I climbed my guard, worked on a triangle, and it didn't go well. Got passed, two points, and then she caught me in an Americana. TAP!! (I'm terrified of arm submissions. I tap to them very very fast.)

Here's the thing: Yes, I lost, but that match was MY game until the last 20 seconds. That has NEVER happened. I have also never had a match where I knew what I was doing every moment, and that "doing" was offensive and not defensive.

Will I compete again? Undecided. Coming into this competition I was feeling like it may be my last if I didn't win a match. I didn't win. But I felt SO good about how I performed, that I think I may try the next smaller competition that comes up and see how that goes. What I do know is that I really want my blue in 2012. Even if it is December 31, 2012.