Lots has been going on in my life, both in and out of the gym, that has caused me to sit back and reflect on what I really want for my life.
When I am in the gym, I am happy. There is nothing better than sitting on the mat at the end of a class dripping in sweat. Even if I got ground to a pulp during every roll, I still feel a sense of accomplishment. I've been working the scissor sweep and focusing on open guard, and feel like I'm finally getting things together. For the next few weeks we are working wrestling and stand up and I am forcing myself to have no fear and just do it. It's terrifying, but I'm going to get it done.
When I am at home with my husband, I am happy. It isn't the house, though it is wonderful, it is just being there with him. He's been through everything with me and he still believes in me. Knowing how much he loves me makes me feel happy and safe.
Happy is not a word you could use to describe me at work. And so, after a lot of thought and tears, I'm done. I can't live my life miserable for 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. So, I'm spending a lot of time figuring out what I am passionate about and how to turn that into something that I would love to do every day for the rest of my life. Wish me luck!
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