Takedown Hell

The last couple weeks in the evening class, we have been doing takedowns and wrestling. 

I.  Hate.  It. 

I really do.  Really and truly and honestly with every fiber of my being.  It scares me.  Terrifies me.  I actually start to get a little shaky before class because I'm so scared. 

Have I ever been hurt during a takedown?  No. 

Have I seen people get hurt?  No. 

I used to do gymnastics as a kid.  I was pretty good.  The one event I could not do was the vault.  Terrified me.  Who, in their right mind, runs straight at a large, inanimate object, at full speed?  Who does that???

I have the same feeeling with takedowns and wrestling.  Who, in their right mind, lets someone come at them and take them to the ground?!?!? It's just so unnatural!! My biggest problem is that I am utterly terrified of two things:  (1) Getting hurt and (2) hurting someone else.  Yes, I realize it is a combat sport.  Yes, I realize that for all intents and purposes you need to hurt someone **a little** in order to be successful.  But I can't get past how unnatural it seems to throw someone down on the mat and be alright with someone tossing me down onto the mat. 

That said, I have been going to class.  I have been getting out there and doing the single leg, the double leg, the arm drag, and the fireman's carry.  I've done them all in drilling, and I have attempted them all in sparring.  I have had them done on me in sparring and I have not died.  I will go back again tonight and do it all over. 

I will not quit.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Lots has been going on in my life, both in and out of the gym, that has caused me to sit back and reflect on what I really want for my life.

When I am in the gym, I am happy.  There is nothing better than sitting on the mat at the end of a class dripping in sweat.  Even if I got ground to a pulp during every roll, I still feel a sense of accomplishment.  I've been working the scissor sweep and focusing on open guard, and feel like I'm finally getting things together.  For the next few weeks we are working wrestling and stand up and I am forcing myself to have no fear and just do it.  It's terrifying, but I'm going to get it done.

When I am at home with my husband, I am happy.  It isn't the house, though it is wonderful, it is just being there with him.  He's been through everything with me and he still believes in me.  Knowing how much he loves me makes me feel happy and safe.

Happy is not a word you could use to describe me at work.  And so, after a lot of thought and tears, I'm done.  I can't live my life miserable for 12 hours a day, 6 days a week.  So, I'm spending a lot of time figuring out what I am passionate about and how to turn that into something that I would love to do every day for the rest of my life.  Wish me luck!

Felled by the Flu

I was doing so well!! So well!! I had been doing daily doubles (7 am class and the 6:30 pm class) three times a week, and really progressing.  I even gave a big guy such a run for his money defending his guard pass that I got walloped on the head during his smash pass and was out with a jacked up neck for a few days.  During the jacked up neck healing phase, I came down with the flu and am just now feeling better.  I missed Women's Open Mat because of it.  LAME!!

Here's the great part:  I feel like I've finally passed whatever BJJ block I was going through.  During the last class I was able to go to on Friday morning, right before the head wallop, I realized how interchangeable the butterfly hook sweep and scissor sweep are.  I was getting my grips for the hook sweep on a monster of a guy -- he's just under 6 feet and about 240 pounds -- and realized that a better option than flipping him with my leg was to push isolate his left arm, push back his left knee, and knock him over that way.  I didn't do it (remember?  Wallop.  Smash.) because I wasn't thinking quickly enough, but I did see it.

I'm really excited that I'm feeling better the last few hours.  I feel like tomorrow is another two a day, coming my way.  And maybe I'll nail that scissor sweep.

Drilling Pays Off

I went a little training crazy this week.  I actually had time and energy to make it to the 7 am class AND 6:30 pm classes on Wednesday and Friday.  On the days I didn't train, I ran.

Wednesday morning it was just me, another student, and the instructor.  We were both white belts, and the other guy was pretty new, so we worked side control for him.  For me, we worked the arm-across sweep from closed guard.  I have a really good closed guard, but I only have the hip bump from closed guard.  I have NO open guard yet.  None.

For those of you who don't know, the arm-across from closed guard is when you get your opponent down close to you, with his arm across your chest and isolated.  From there, you post up, swing down and grab the pants, open your guard, and kick your legs up into the armpit to get them to go over.  I'm sure I'm not describing it properly.  It's a really effective sweep, if you do it right.  I never do it right.  We drilled it over and over and over.  So much that I thought I was going to vomit, but by the end of class I felt like I understood it.

Apparently I did understand it, because during sparring on Friday I got my opponent in my closed guard and got his arm across.  I was looking at it, nervous to try, when Tim yelled "Veronica, grab the pants and go!!"  And I did.  AND IT WORKED!!!

I couldn't believe it.  Something happened this week, and I finally feel like I get it.  I realized that I'm not playing defense, I'm defending to stay alive and get to play offense.  I know offense!! What!?!?

Two a Day

I made it to Robot TWICE today to train!! That's right!! I feel great.

I've spent a lot of the last month trying to figure out how to take care of myself and train.  It's been good. I've started running in the morning and I've managed to fit in BJJ training 3x a week.  I'm going to be able to train in the morning now because Robot made morning class MWF now, and I LOVE the new morning instructor.

I learned SO much this morning.  Arun (my morning instructor) let us pick a move that we have a hard time with, and drill it over and over and over.  I picked my arm across sweep from closed guard.  I have great attacks from closed guard, a hip bump sweep, and sometimes I can get an arm across and take the back.  But I honestly have NO SWEEPS from closed guard.  None.  And I end up being exhausted from trying to keep my guard and attack.

After working with Arun all morning, I realized what I had been doing wrong and finally and really and truly understood the closed guard arm across sweep.  We changed up how I get my grips, how I pop up and take the back hook, and then worked on my posting.  It turns out I wasn't posting high enough and just wasn't understanding the swivel that I need to do with my legs, and I was stopping my own momentum by landing flat on my back.  It's hard to explain.  I'll work on explaining it.

Needless to say, I'm baaaaAAAaaaaack!!

Mad Sweeps

I've got mad sweeps. FINALLY!!! I finally feel like I can say that and mean it. Because tonight, I swept a guy almost a foot taller than me who had at least 50 pounds on me. That's right. And you know what?

Maybe he didn't want to smash me during the half guard positional sparring drill.

Maybe he thought he would hurt me.

Maybe I don't care why he let me shrimp down and get ahold of his foot and then turn my knees to the mat and push with my shoulder.

A sweep is a sweep is a sweep. We've been working half guard and the old school sweep for two weeks. I know my shit. I want to win. I want to sweep. I want to practice what I've been learning.

Maybe next time he should take me seriously. And I'll still sweep him. ;)

Retiring and Improving

Last week I made it to Robot for 4 classes in 5 days. I feel amazing despite being sore in places I didn't know could be sore. We are working on mount, which is really important for me. I get bumped off of mount so much that I've started to turn it into an attack. I'm not kidding. My best cross chokes get sunk in as I'm being reversed. I worked a lot on getting my base, sinking in my cross face, and letting go of my attack in order to get my base back out. I am feeling much better about mount than I ever have.

The last few weeks class has been way more fun than it has been for the last year. I recently decided to "retire" from competing because I think I put too much pressure on myself when I am competing -- so much so that I stop enjoying class and stop really learning. Instead of trying new things and experimenting with moves during a roll, I would push myself to stay safe and try to win. I treated class like a competition, and I would feel like I had failed at the end. It wasn't fun anymore.

So, I retired. And the craziest thing happened. Not only am I having fun in class again, I'm getting measurably better. I get taps more frequently and am starting to get in positions that I have never been in before. I notice that I'm able to evaluate options and then pick one and abandon it if it is not going well. I've gotten the back a few times, and actually did a few arm submissions, too. The other night I even tried to pop up a triangle. I didn't get it, but I tried and I sat there adjusting myself trying to make it work until I got passed. I would have never tried that before.

I think I also may have figured out my scheduling issues. I tried a 7 am class this week and felt great for the rest of the day, so I'm going to try and keep that up for as long as I can. It felt good to start the day with training and know it was taken care of, and then focus on work. I understand there may be times when it just doesn't make sense to train 5 times a week, but I'm going to do my best. I feel like a better person when I get to the mat regularly. I want to keep it up!